The Day My World Started Moving Again

My wife passed away on 6 August 2012 and on that day not only did she pass away, but for me my world stopped moving! I stopped living and I might as well have passed away with her! For the first few months, I felt very sad and lost. We’d done everything together for nearly 52 years and suddenly I was all by myself. There I was in an empty house with only my son who had been living with us and helping me take care of my wife. He was still there, but for me, I was all alone. My son might have helped me some, but he was not the same as my wife. I couldn’t talk to him about things like I could my wife. We had an intimacy and a relationship that went beyond just companionship and a normal marriage. We had a closeness that was as about as close as two people could get. We did everything together and we told each other everything! We had no secrets, we had nothing to hide! I was her and she was me!

So, on that day in August, 2012, I lost my wife and I lost my life. I didn’t feel like doing anything; I didn’t feel like living! I felt that way for at least three or four months and during that time I jumped in and did things like a madman – I cooked, I baked, I made wine, I made beer, I cleaned, I hiked, I jogged, I kept so busy that I couldn’t hardly keep up with myself. All the keeping busy helped, but I was still all by myself and I was still sad!

One day, I decided to have a talk with myself and see where I was and where I was going. I really believed that someday in the future, I’d get over being sad and that, like I’d read, I’d get to the point of actually being happy again. The conversation went something like this.

“How long will it take for me to be happy again?” I asked.
“I don’t know, but I’ve heard that it usually does work that way!”
“Am I looking at a few years down the road?”
“Actually, I don’t know, but very likely a few years!”
“Well, if you’re going to someday be happy again, why wait?” I asked.
“What choice do I have?”
“You can wait until happiness hopefully finds you again or you can start, right now trying to find happiness!”
“How can I possibly find happiness right now, when I just lost half of me and feel like I can’t go on with half of me missing?”
“There are ways to do it, but you have to quit thinking 24/7 about your wife and how much you miss her!” I told myself.
“How can I possibly just turn off those feelings? That would be impossible and I’d feel like I abandoned her!”
“Would you feel that way in a few years from now?” I asked.
“That would be different!”
“Why?”
“Well, for one thing, I would have a few years to get used to being alone!” I answered. “I would be able to learn to get along without her!”
“You mean you could learn to get along without her in a few years, but you can’t do it now?”
“That’s right! It takes years to get over grief and I’ve just began! Give me time!” I pleaded.
“If you really want to get over the grief and you don’t want to wait for years, you can do something about it!”
“Really? What could I possibly do to speed the process up?” I asked curiously.
“You can start by accepting the fact that your wife really is gone, just like when a pet dies, and you can make a conscience effort to stop constantly thinking about her.”
“But, how can I just stop thinking about her?” I asked.
“It will take lots of work, but it can be done! It’s basically your choice; you can do it now or you can wait years for it to hopefully happen!”
“Well, I don’t really want to wait years, so I am willing to give it a try and see if I really can do it!” I answered, but wasn’t exactly sure about it.

That was the beginning of my getting away from the sadness and starting to live again. I was surprised that I could actually go about the day and not think about my wife. At first, it took a lot of effort and I felt guilty, but then it got easier and I began to feel less guilty and began to feel that I was doing the right thing. I was actually beginning to live again, just like my wife and I had said we should if something ever happened to one of us.

I started to wonder if other people could do the same thing? I don’t know, because I truthfully didn’t think that I could do it. They would have to want to do it and then give it a try, just like I did. All I can say is, that if they can do it, then they will feel much, much better! It worked for me and I hope that it can work for them.

Although my world started moving for me again, a small part of my past will forever be embedded in me and that part will never move. I can live with that; the important thing is that the rest of my world is moving on. I’m once again able to face the future, and I’m happy that I don’t have to wait for the future to be able to do that! To me, a future with a future is better than no future at all, which is what I had a very few months ago!

Today, I’m alive and my world is moving once again! If you want to follow my daily essays about life and living, you can find them in my online store at http://www.bestassistedlivingaids.com/daily_stanism.htm.

Thanks for reading!
Stan

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I Died, But I Didn’t Go To Heaven

I died the day my wife died on 6 August 2012.  On that day, at just shortly after noon, she died and along with her death, I felt as though I’d personally died also.  We’d been happily married for over 52 years and we had three beautiful sons, many grandchildren, and even a couple of great grandchildren to show for it.  For nearly 52 years, we were one and we did everything together.  It was as about a perfect a marriage as one could hope for.  We went through alot together over the years and unfortunately, although she had many medical issues, it was gangrene that finally took her life.  Taking care of my wife during the last few years was very, very hard at times, but I never complained, and personally feel that I’d be more than willing to continue on forever, or as long as I could.

However, no matter what I wanted to do or planned to do, my life ended on 6 August 2012. I believe that my wife went to Heaven and I thought that I would go right along with her, but I soon discovered that, although she was gone, that I was still here and I was still alive.  As more time went by, I fully realized that I, indeed, was still on earth, but I didn’t feel like I was alive!  Half of me died that day in the hospital.  For the first few months, I believed that I would forever be depressed and would only come out of my state of sadness when I joined my wife in Heaven.  One day, as I was feeling very sad, I got to thinking about myself, about my life, my future, and what I would do in the coming years until I actually joined back up with her.  I couldn’t envision myself still being that sad until I finally died.  How long I’d have to live, I had no idea, but I began to feel like my life might not be quite over yet, even though at first, I did.  However, I’d read where people who’d lost their spouses, or loved ones, never got over the loss and lived by themselves in a state of sadness, which is depression, for the rest of their lives.  I am realistic and thought what if I’m like they are for the rest of my life.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could possibly continue life on earth without my wife and all by myself.  If I was going to do that though, then I thought that I should try to decide how I was going to live my life.  There were many possibilities, but it really boiled down to just two choices – I could live happily forever by myself or be open to living happily with someone else should the opportunity ever present itself!  The first choice was the easiest to accept, however, I got to thinking about what my wife and I had talked about over the years.  We’d told each other that should something happen to one of us that we wanted the other to be happy and to find someone else to be happy with.  When we told each other that though, it seemed like we were discussing something that would never happen!  Then, when I actually faced that situation, it was entirely different and I wasn’t sure if I could follow through with “our” wishes.

The more I thought about it, the more I believed that my wife was right, we were both right, and that I should try to abide with her wish.  If I truly put my mind to it, I believed that I could possibly live again and live happily with someone else and, simultaneously, with my wife’s memory.

From that day on, I’ve been a changed person and started to believe that I can have a continuing life on earth and be happy while I’m doing it.  At about that time, I started realizing that I could help myself and I could possibly help other people by being positive and showing others that life after death was possible.  I’ve gotten a job at Walmart and I fully enjoy making people there smile, both fellow associates and customers!  And, I’ve started writing a daily inspirational essay which I put on Facebook and in my Online Hearing Loss Store at http://www.bestassistedlivingaids.com/daily_stanism.htm.

I hope that you and everyone enjoys my blog and my Daily Stanism and most importantly I hope that they help you cope with life.  Believe it or not, they help me just as much as they help other people.  My life has become richer once again and I have come to believe that I could live happily with someone else!  I’ve also come to believe that life is very precious and much more fragile than we sometimes think.

So, in closing, I’d like to say that I didn’t die and go to Heaven on 6 August 2012, but my wife did, and I’ll keep her memories with me till I join her again someday.  And, if I should find someone else to live with, then she’ll join me and my wife in Heaven too.  I hope that everyone appreciates what they have and who they have it with.  Few things in life are worth losing and a loved one is definitely not one of them.

Thanks for reading,
Stan

From A Blind Date To A Lifetime Roommate

Yes, October is a beautiful month! My wife and I were married on 20 October 1960 just seven months after we met on a blind date. That was 52 years ago this year! The years have gone by quickly – too quickly! Maybe, that was because we both liked every one of them! I think we found that the more you like each year and the closer you are, the faster the years seem to go! Looking back, it appears that the speed at which they were traveling was approaching the speed of light! Even Albert Einstein would have considered the speed at which our years were traveling to be near his limits. However, as Albert Einstein said, it is relative. As we held each other’s hand for all those years, we were exceptionally close to each other and it was not us, but the world moving swiftly by as we stood still. Our lasting love proved that Einstein was right! E does equal MC squared. The energy we expended over the years certainly equalled all the mass we accumulated times the speed of light squared!

Our time together lasted longer than even we could have imagined when we took our wedding vows on that beautiful evening in the small town of Saginaw Oregon. The minister asked me, “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedding wife till death do you part?” I smiled at her and said, “yes!” My wife was also asked, “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” She looked at me, returned the smile, and to my happiness, also said, “yes!”

The vows we took that day were genuine and we stuck to them faithfully for over 51 years. It seems like a long time, but time is relative, and on 6 August, just two months ago my beautiful wife, Linda, passed away. Suddenly, for me, time stopped.

I vowed to myself and to her on the day she passed away that I would l love her to the end of time and that I would do all I could to keep our business going. To me, I lost nearly everything that day! Howeve, the one thing I still had that belonged to both of us was our online business!

As attested to by our long-time marriage, when we take a vow, we stick to it. Now, I intend to keep the vows I made to my wife on her last day.

The online store will remain open and I promise to do my best to see that it continues to be the best store on the Internet. Before my wife passed away, we changed the store from “our” store to “your” store. We believed that it should be your store and we wanted you to feel like it was your store! My hope is that as tme hopefully will help me to emotional heal from the hard blow caused by her passing, that you will all come to visit your store and will make it “your” home. Thank you for taking the time to visit your store! Please remember that I don’t take vows lightly, if you want the best service from the store that will provide you the best products at the best prices, then you should visit your store at http://www.bestassistedlivingaids.com often.

Thanks for reading,
I sincerely hope you have a beautiful October,
Stan